Ebbs and Flows
I just had the strongest outpouring of emotion and I almost feel like there is more there, and just like that the feeling is gone. I often do this. I have such an explosion of thought, love, anger, sadness and romance that I simply must share it with someone. But who?
That is what my blogs used to be for. They covered that bond for me. That’s all gone since That Thing I Did. I want to blog but I can’t or don’t. Or I have the idea and then I put it in the bank for later but later never comes.
My grandma died on Sunday morning. It wasn’t a surprise, but we knew it was coming. I saw her on Tuesday night and I desperately wanted to write about what it was like to see her in that state. Everyone around her so terrified, upset and confused. She was more at peace than I have ever seen her. I had the immediate though to write down what I felt like at that moment.
I didn’t write it though. I thought I could hold onto that emotion forever and just bring it out when I had the opportunity to write/blog about it. But I canb’t hold onto it. Allegedly that’s a Sagitarrius thing. We are very fiery individuals. Leaping from one emotion to the next. Find it hard to hold a grudge.
The outpouring tonight wasn’t about her, although those emotions may have got me started. They were something else, the words just came so clearly and quickly I just want to share them with the world. I know now that that’s not always in my (or even others’) best interests so it will go unblogged. But I hope I can get back to that stage where I can share those deep thoughts, feelings and emotions for strangers to witness.