Archive for November, 2010

Ebbs and Flows

I just had the strongest outpouring of emotion and I almost feel like there is more there, and just like that the feeling is gone.  I often do this.  I have such an explosion of thought, love, anger, sadness and romance that I simply must share it with someone.  But who?

That is what my blogs used to be for.  They covered that bond for me. That’s all gone since That Thing I Did. I want to blog but I can’t or don’t.  Or I have the idea and then I put it in the bank for later but later never comes.

My grandma died on Sunday morning.  It wasn’t a surprise, but we knew it was coming.  I saw her on Tuesday night and I desperately wanted to write about what it was like to see her in that state.  Everyone around her so terrified, upset and confused.  She was more at peace than I have ever seen her.  I had the immediate though to write down what I felt like at that moment.

I didn’t write it though.  I thought I could hold onto that emotion forever and just bring it out when I had the opportunity to write/blog about it.  But I canb’t hold onto it.  Allegedly that’s a Sagitarrius thing.  We are very fiery individuals.  Leaping from one emotion to the next.  Find it hard to hold a grudge.

The outpouring tonight wasn’t about her, although those emotions may have got me started.  They were something else, the words just came so clearly and quickly I just want to share them with the world.  I know now that that’s not always in my (or even others’) best interests so it will go unblogged.  But I hope I can get back to that stage where I can share those deep thoughts, feelings and emotions for strangers to witness.

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